{"product_id":"99-problems","title":"99 Problems","description":"\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"2\"\u003eLet’s be honest: life is a dumpster fire. You’ve got a boss who is basically a glitching NPC, a dating life that’s more barren than a fictional desert planet, and you’re pretty sure your landlord is actually a sentient bag of malice.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"3\"\u003eYour car makes noises that are, frankly, threatening. Your barista knows you only by the look of quiet desperation on your face. You’re standard issue 21st-century human, and it’s a lot.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"4\"\u003eBut this shirt? This shirt is a declarative statement. It’s a passive-aggressive signal flare to the universe.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"5\"\u003eIt says: \u003ci data-path-to-node=\"5\" data-index-in-node=\"9\"\u003e\"I have exactly 99 problems. And yes, my student loans, my paralyzing social anxiety, and that rash on my elbow are all on the list. But my faith? That part’s sorted. It’s literally the only thing that’s not actively trying to sabotage me.\"\u003c\/i\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"The Dudes T-Shirts","offers":[{"title":"XS","offer_id":44153092833340,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S","offer_id":44153092866108,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":44153092898876,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":44153092931644,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":44153092964412,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":44153092997180,"sku":null,"price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":44153093029948,"sku":null,"price":30.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":44153093062716,"sku":null,"price":31.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0606\/6021\/9964\/files\/problems4.jpg?v=1774737212","url":"https:\/\/www.thedudestshirts.com\/products\/99-problems","provider":"The Dudes T-Shirts","version":"1.0","type":"link"}